Missing the Romance…

I miss those days of romance. The ones where you come home and there are flowers waiting for you or you have little love notes. The days where I could enjoy sweet little kisses and romantic gestures. I miss that. It is sad that I rarely get that now. And being a woman, that not only has a husband, but a boyfriend as well… this is sad, indeed. I mean you would think at least one of them would pick up the slack! Sheesh. I do need some romance in my life. 

Getting ignored or completely overlooking my texts or thoughts is just unacceptable. Why does this even happen, ever? Clearly if I am talking to you I am taking the time to have a conversation, whether it be a text, call or face to face. Why can’t you be as present as me? Am I more invested? 

IS it because I’m overly emotional and just overall just a “woman”? IF, that is the case, then fuck you. If I’m going to put my time and effort into my relationships and my love for you, then I should get the same in return (I’m not talking about “expectations” or “expecting something in return for my love and attention” , I am just talking about a little consideration of my feelings, in return). Or just both let me go. Cause I’m clearly not worth it to either of you. 

I’m pissy. I know. And I’m emotional, I know that too. But my feelings are still valid and still mean something, if only to myself. *sigh* I am tired of overthinking and looking for something in return that isn’t there or isn’t even considered. 


Toot My Horn…

What I like about myself…

So, I found these 365 daily topics to write about and for today’s topic it has describe one or more things that you like about yourself.

I have a few things I like about myself.

  1. My compassion
  2. My understanding
  3. My eyes
  4. My nose
  5. My feet
  6. My creativity

My compassion and understanding go hand in hand, they are both very important qualities to me. They are important for me to have and for those around me to have.

My eyes are pretty. I have green eyes. I also have piercing eyes, so I’ve been told. Anyway, I like them.

My nose, it is cute and like a button. It is small and very well portioned. I like it, too.

My feet, well, I have a tattoo on my left foot that is of my son’s birth foot prints. It has his name and a little owl on it because we call him Little Owl. So, the art on my foot is important and beautiful to me. But my feet are nice to look at. I don’t have small feet but they aren’t abnormally large either. They are slender though. I just like my feet.

My creativity is a big thing for me. I am a writer and a poet. I am also a blogger. I like to express myself through words. I also like to write fantasy and erotica. I am dark poet. But aside from writing I also like to sing and that too is creative. I like to paint as well. And do any arts and crafts that I can with my son. Even my religion is a creative extension of myself.

Toot your horn! Tell me in the comments what you like about YOURSELF! (:

Thanks for reading…

Marathon Life?

Response to Marathon, the Daily Prompt word by The Daily Post.

Marathon, hmm, what do I think of when I think about marathon? Well, the thing is I don’t run or walk or cycle, therefore, I do not take part in the marathon sport. But if you want to look at it with perspective, then I would say that life is a marathon. Maybe you have heard others site this as a reference for their life. Well, it absolutely applies to mine.

Everything that has ever happened in my life or with my life has been a process, if you will. It has never been a quick and speedy thing. So, I would equate my life to a marathon rather than its counterpart a sprint.

I work hard for my life. I work hard to make sure I make a good life for my son. Everything is taking so much time though.

I thought by now I’d have a car of my own and a house of my own. Hell, at this point I would be happy with just an 2 or 3 bedroom apartment of my own.

The world is full of tasks you can sprint at, but when it comes to your life and the things that make you happy… this is unlikely the process you will be taking.

Marathon is slow and steady but it works. Eventually.





In response to The Daily Post Daily Prompt word: Marathon

The Way It All WENT DOWN…

How my trip went on the east coast and the things that transpired when I returned to Ca.

It has been a while, I got back I think on December 20th. I know it was super close to Christmas Day. I just haven’t had time to really do much blogging.

My trip went surprisingly well and it was super fast and slow all at the same time. I left KY to go to WV. I spent almost a week there with my Dad and family there. It was nice but hectic. I got to see my other sister and her baby boy. He is just too damn cute. Spent time with my family, all the kids’ kids. I mean my babies are having babies now. I spent time with my Aunts and Uncles. My Uncle gave me a bunch of knives because I collect them. Dad gave me his bow and a knife. I didn’t get to bring the bow cause I didn’t have room in the truck.

Then from WV, I went to VA. I didn’t see as many people there as I would have liked to have seen. A lot of my friends were busy and I missed them. But I got to see my grandparents and I got to see my friend from school. And I got to meet her husband and kids. That was neat, they took me to dinner and hung out with me. It was nice. I helped my grandparents as much as I could. I loved spending time with my Gramma and Pappy. I spent about a week there with them as well.

So, by this time, I spent about 3 weeks on the east coast. However, I wound up going back to KY because I didn’t have a ride from VA to meet up with my boyfriend (the trucker) to go home. And my sister came to my rescue. She came got me from VA and we went back to KY. Then, by the time I got there my boyfriend was having issues with his truck and the weather had gotten bad, so I was there for about 2 weeks. I also contracted strep throat while I was there this time. I had to go to the hospital and be treated. It was bad. I finally got over the sickness and left to come back to California.

I must say, once I got here I was sad. Aside from seeing my son and husband and boyfriend… I didn’t really want to be back. I don’t like CA. I never have. I miss KY now, in fact. My mum welcomed me home with a big hug and I didn’t think she was gonna let go. My son was asleep and thought I was a dream. Hubby didn’t make much of a fuss but he was happy to see me too. When I got in the truck on the way out to CA, my boyfriend was quite happy to see me.

So, it has almost been a month since I’ve been back. And the better part of that time, I was laid up in the bed with the FLU! I mean the nasty flu… high high fevers, and hallucinations. It was bad. I still have a cough but I am symptom free otherwise. I feel much better.

I, now, have an interview tomorrow for a temp agency for Data Entry work. I hope I can get the position. I just need to pad the income for a little bit. Things are tight and if I am going to be moving to KY I need the cash. But it is looking more and more like it will be next year before I get to do that. *sighs*

I was really hoping to move at tax time this year but doesn’t seem like I will be able unless some miracle happens. Who knows? I will try and stay positive.


Thanks for reading! ❤

In the house…

I made it to my little sister’s house. She lives in KY but it is a hop-skip=and-a-jump to Tennessee. So, I was dropped off in Tennessee and she came to pick me up. I have been here for a day. It is nice to be around her and be able to actually hug her and see her kids. They are so smart and fun. I have really enjoyed being here so far.

Unfortunately, one her dogs go sick. We think she may have  Parvo. If it isn’t Parvo; it could possibly be nicotine poisoning from her eating a pack of cigarettes. But it is looking a lot like Parvo now because she has blood in her stool. I feel terrible for Toby and Cole, they love this little puppy so much. She is a big dog but she is still a puppy.  She is Toby’s dog and he is sad. But Cole says she will be brokenhearted if she dies too.

I am not sure what to do for them. I have had multiple puppies with the virus, some lived through with a lot of care and time from me and our family, but some didn’t. The virus just claimed them. It is hard to decipher when it is enough and just let them go. They get so sick before they even show any signs of getting better. When ours had it we had or syringe water into their mouths every 30 minutes and when they could hold that down we would give them this paste stuff we would make them to eat. Those that could get through it, would survive because of that.

It is tough to watch a pitiful dog go through this.

On another note, I haven’t been about to sleep like a normal human  being in a while. I am eating better since I got here. While I was over the road I didn’t do much of that. In fact, I didn’t eat anything for 2 days. But I have had plenty to eat since I got here.

I miss my son so much. It is really hard for me to be away from him like this. I know he is okay. I know he is well taken care for but I am spazzing out. It comes and goes in spurts. One minute I’m okay. The next I’m not. I am crying wish I could just hold my boy.

I love him and miss him SO MUCH.

I miss my husband and boyfriend too. I wish I could have them all here with me too.

Anyway, that’s enough for tonight. I will continue to blog when I can. The next few weeks are going to be crazy.

 And again, thanks for reading.

The Trip (Post dated 11-11-16)

So today I left from California to go back to Tennessee, West Virginia and Virginia to see my family. My boyfriend and his trucking partner were so gracious to allow me to tag along on a haul back to the east coast with them. I am doing okay so far, but I miss my son and my husband. I can’t believe that I actually went through with it. It is insane. I didn’t think I would have the nerve to do it.  I miss my mum too even though I think some time away from everyone will do everyone some good. I am too much to handle for most people and with me gone for a while maybe they will get a minor break from me.

I think it is a little surreal that I’m typing this from a truck somewhere in the middle of New Mexico. I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I got up the courage to actually come. I am still very nervous and anxiety filled. But I am excited to see all my other family members for a while. (:

Things are going to be okay. I just have to keep telling myself that. My family is going to be so surprised only one person knows I am coming home. She is the one that will be picking me up from that drop point.

Express Yourself…

Election and my thoughts on it all. Scared but not backing down.

I am absolutely sure that everyone has an opinion about our recent President Elect.

I am pretty sure that everyone has posted some kind of social media on it. Whether it is Facebook, Twitter, WordPress, or otherwise, I’m sure they have used what they have.

With all the being said, I honestly care more about what is happening to our country now and before he was even elected. The hatred that is spewing because he condones it to be okay. He stokes the fires of racism and hate, bigotry and more.

Now, personally, I think he is a terrible selection for the Commander in Chief! He is a great celebrity on the other hand. He is is full of drama, shock and awe, and crazy comments. All the makings of a great reality star, which he has been there and done! Stick to what you know!

I am a little terrified that Americans voted not only out of hate (because if we are honest a lot of the racists and bigots voted for him because he allows to say and do what they want with little to no consequence and even eggs it on), but people were voting for him because they were just tired of the same ol’ politicians that lie and cheat to get into office but never truly doing what they say or changing anything. So, why not put the loud mouth smart ass in office, right? That sounds like at least we would not be getting bullshit every turn we made. When in fact, this is exactly what you’ve gotten, is a load of bullshit. I am sorry that Americans felt they had no other options for the Republican Party.

I am neither Democrat nor Republican. I do vote. But I will vote according to what policies I agree with and what values the candidate may have. Whether I am thoroughly against what they stand for or if I like what they have to say about certain topics. I am head-strong and have certain values I like to stay in tact so I vote based on these factors. I also listen to what they’ve said before in interviews, what they are saying in the present time and what they are saying about what they’d like to do in the future. Comparing all that you must think about the differences they’ve chose or if they remained consistent.

My major concern is I am married to a Native/Spaniard. I am in an open marriage. I have a black boyfriend. And I am also Wiccan. First, I have a Hispanic last name and the hate has already started publicly (not on me or mine, yet, but it is happening). The fact that my lifestyle is VERY different from most already opens me up for criticism from others but this will be different.  I have a black boyfriend, which again the hate can spread to him or me anytime we are together, on top of the fact if they know I’m married as well. And lastly, I am Wiccan. I practice Wicca. If he will go after one religion, who is to say he will not go after mine? I am not Christian therefore I am not up to par? Ridiculously frightening.

The most excruciatingly painful part of it all, is to think, my son is considered mixed blood. So, what will happen to him. A boy growing up in a time where once again hate is the focus and it is targeted to Hispanics/Latinos. He bears the last name of his father and mine as well. That is terrifying. He will be growing up in this era. [But I will most certainly do everything I can to shield him and protect him and LOVE him and teach him loving others is the way, NOT HATE.)

We had a horrific choice on either side. As Americans, we seriously couldn’t come up with better than those two? I mean a pencil has more political knowledge than Trump and I don’t think trust was ever a thing Clinton ever possessed. But WE AS A NATION deserve BOTH! TRUST AND POLITICAL and otherwise KNOWLEDGE!!!!!! We should have given that to ourselves. We do deserve it.

I love my country. I love the people in it. I am the hippy peace loving hopeful that wants everyone to get along and eat together and spend time with one another. But in today’s day and age, that is impossible. And having a President that will urge people to move and take action on their own disdain for other races, religions, sexual orientation, etc we will never be able to do that.

This makes me sad.

Even if Trump (BIG IF) could be a great President… How did America excuse the fact he belittled women, threatened major groups of our Nation (Muslims and Mexicans), and has attacked our government and how it is ran? These are fundamental problems within a person. How did we IGNORE THIS? We got the “It’s okay, he’s a good ol’ boy!” response. Are you kidding me? This is the President of the United States, not a backwoods saloon!

Our President should be (not all in the past have been either, but doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have been, we are supposed to LEARN from our mistakes not make bigger ones) eloquent, graceful, intelligent, clear thoughtfulness, honorable, passionate, firm, fair, strong and politically sound in their own Party. All around a stand up guy/gal! But that isn’t want we got, and I can’t help to think it is because of ignorance. People just don’t understand what they have done or what they could have done to stop it.

But this is just my ramblings, my thoughts, and my ideas. Not everyone will agree. I do not hate anyone that may have voted for Trump or Clinton for that matter. I don’t even hate Trump or Clinton as people. I just don’t agree with what most of them say or do. I personally love individuals but I do not have to agree with you nor do you have to agree with me. We can still get along.


Thank you for reading. ^_^