Missing the Romance…

I miss those days of romance. The ones where you come home and there are flowers waiting for you or you have little love notes. The days where I could enjoy sweet little kisses and romantic gestures. I miss that. It is sad that I rarely get that now. And being a woman, that not only has a husband, but a boyfriend as well… this is sad, indeed. I mean you would think at least one of them would pick up the slack! Sheesh. I do need some romance in my life. 

Getting ignored or completely overlooking my texts or thoughts is just unacceptable. Why does this even happen, ever? Clearly if I am talking to you I am taking the time to have a conversation, whether it be a text, call or face to face. Why can’t you be as present as me? Am I more invested? 

IS it because I’m overly emotional and just overall just a “woman”? IF, that is the case, then fuck you. If I’m going to put my time and effort into my relationships and my love for you, then I should get the same in return (I’m not talking about “expectations” or “expecting something in return for my love and attention” , I am just talking about a little consideration of my feelings, in return). Or just both let me go. Cause I’m clearly not worth it to either of you. 

I’m pissy. I know. And I’m emotional, I know that too. But my feelings are still valid and still mean something, if only to myself. *sigh* I am tired of overthinking and looking for something in return that isn’t there or isn’t even considered. 


In the house…

I made it to my little sister’s house. She lives in KY but it is a hop-skip=and-a-jump to Tennessee. So, I was dropped off in Tennessee and she came to pick me up. I have been here for a day. It is nice to be around her and be able to actually hug her and see her kids. They are so smart and fun. I have really enjoyed being here so far.

Unfortunately, one her dogs go sick. We think she may have  Parvo. If it isn’t Parvo; it could possibly be nicotine poisoning from her eating a pack of cigarettes. But it is looking a lot like Parvo now because she has blood in her stool. I feel terrible for Toby and Cole, they love this little puppy so much. She is a big dog but she is still a puppy.  She is Toby’s dog and he is sad. But Cole says she will be brokenhearted if she dies too.

I am not sure what to do for them. I have had multiple puppies with the virus, some lived through with a lot of care and time from me and our family, but some didn’t. The virus just claimed them. It is hard to decipher when it is enough and just let them go. They get so sick before they even show any signs of getting better. When ours had it we had or syringe water into their mouths every 30 minutes and when they could hold that down we would give them this paste stuff we would make them to eat. Those that could get through it, would survive because of that.

It is tough to watch a pitiful dog go through this.

On another note, I haven’t been about to sleep like a normal human  being in a while. I am eating better since I got here. While I was over the road I didn’t do much of that. In fact, I didn’t eat anything for 2 days. But I have had plenty to eat since I got here.

I miss my son so much. It is really hard for me to be away from him like this. I know he is okay. I know he is well taken care for but I am spazzing out. It comes and goes in spurts. One minute I’m okay. The next I’m not. I am crying wish I could just hold my boy.

I love him and miss him SO MUCH.

I miss my husband and boyfriend too. I wish I could have them all here with me too.

Anyway, that’s enough for tonight. I will continue to blog when I can. The next few weeks are going to be crazy.

 And again, thanks for reading.

For Granted…

Pay more attention to things in life.

There are many things in this world that people should pay more attention to: children, love, family and friends.

I’ve recently watched so many parents just completely ignore their children. Now, this is not me judging exactly, it is just me observing when I’m out in public. I’ve seen women and men walk off and leave their child unsupervised while they take a phone call or go to the bathroom. These are things I personally DO NOT DO. If I have to take a call then I will bring my child. If I have to use the restroom, guess what? That little guy goes right with me. I don’t like for him to leave my sight. There are just so many things that can go wrong.
I had trouble letting him go to preschool because I’m not there to see everything he does. It worries me that he is away for hours and I don’t have a clue what he might be into.
Now, I’m not perfect. I have my own things I am guilty of, like I should play games with my son more often and when he is talking to me to focus on him a little more. I tend to get lost in my own “thing” sometimes and forget to set my time to him more often. He is four and needs my attention a lot. I feel like I could be a better mum in that aspect.

Love, whew, lots of people seriously take this for granted. It’s strange for me to see this because when I love… I love with all I have. I make time for the people I’m with. I try to do for them everything I can to make them happy. I can’t believe that others don’t do the same. If someone actually loves you, you should take the time to show that person how much you love them. Make your actions speak louder than the words. Hold them and be there always for them… but if you can’t do that for them, LET THEM GO. Don’t continue to break their heart, it isn’t fair.

Family and Friends, I am guilty of this…. I don’t spend enough time with my family or friends. I make plans and something always comes up. It is sad. This shouldn’t happen. I should always make more time. This makes me feel terrible. It makes me feel like I am a bad sister, daughter, wife, mother and friend. I am sorry for that.

Those are just some things I’ve learned and things I need to work on and a little bit of what I’ve seen in public.

Thank you for reading.